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Why I’m not Having a lot of Sex

Since November of last year, I haven’t been having much sex with my boyfriend. This has been one-sided. He seemed to have lost interest and I thought perhaps his sex drive went down because he is approaching 40, which from what I understand happens sometimes with men. A side note, I’ve heard some women get hornier around the time some men start to lose interest, but this hasn’t happened for me yet. I’ve always had a good sex drive and it hasn’t gotten higher or lower. It turns out the reason my boyfriend is losing interest isn’t a mystery to him and it isn’t about his age. He is clear on why he lost interest and he tried to tell me a few months ago, but it didn’t sink in for me until he repeated the reason when we talked last week.

My boyfriend has a dark side, mostly when it comes to his sense of humor. He is also pleasantly open minded. But overall, he is a straight-laced, mostly vanilla sexually (which I don’t mean in a bad way at all as I have no issues with those who hardly stray from the norm, I’m just not one of them) and the kind of guy who always wanted the white picket fence sort of life. I am not that way. I have always been attracted to dark, mysterious, out of the norm kind of things in all aspects of life, but most notably when it comes to sex. Much of my attraction to the odd things in life start and end with learning about these things but when it comes to sex, I actually want to do many of these odd things and when it comes to BDSM, it is a part of who I am.

I have had fantasies about control since I was young. The fantasies became sexual and included pain play when I grew up and became a sexual being. I met my boyfriend when I was 24. A few months before he proposed to me, in 2010, my sister introduced me to Fetlife. I like to call it the kinky Facebook. It’s a social networking site where people can explore BDSM, polyamory and all manner of kink and fetishes. I started reading about what people were doing through Fetlife and continued to do so while I was planning my wedding. I don’t understand or even remember the exact progression of things, but a month before the wedding, things came to a head. I got freaked out about the idea that I felt I might be submissive sexually and romantically and that I might never get to explore it. The feelings of submission, which included a nearly daily session of fantasizing at night to help me fall asleep since I was about five years old, were powerful. It was terrible timing. I didn’t want to break my fiancé’s heart, but I had to do it. I broke off the engagement.

Over the next two years, I did things in the BDSM community including giving myself over to two dominant men (one who was extremely sadistic and the other who was into pain as well, but was more notably interested in exploring the dynamic of a D/s relationship), had a few trysts with other kinky people, met a service submissive with a strong foot fetish who I topped for several months and got involved with some kinky women including my girlfriend, Aubrey. In that time, my boyfriend and I got back together and broke up twice (both times because I decided to explore kink some more) before getting back together and staying together a little over two years after the first break up.

A year into our newest reunion, I told him I’d like to start exploring kink again, but this time with him. This was in November of last year. All I had to do was say it. It was enough for my boyfriend to lose interest in having sex with me. He isn’t withholding as punishment, it’s more organic. He still looks at me and is attracted to me, but he sort of doesn’t feel it, if that makes sense. He knows he likes my big, round ass and breasts. He thinks I’m beautiful. And he’ll smack my butt, squeeze my breasts and pretty much behave in all the ways he used to, except when it comes to sex. He is afraid I’ll leave him because I want to explore BDSM again and it’s because this is the reason I broke up with him the last three times. For whatever reason, this fear is affecting his desire to fuck me.

We are actively looking into ways to fix the issue and we are still having sex, it’s just far less frequent. I am confident we’ll figure this out. My boyfriend and I have been together for twelve years (minus the two years after the engagement ended). We have been through more difficult trials in life individually and as a couple than this. I’m just glad that we’re both clear on the reason our sex life has slowed down. It’s a start. I question whether or not I should post this to my work-related blog, but I have decided I will because, as I’ve said before, I want to be authentic on my blog. This is not very sexy, but it is the truth.

Active Summer

FC 4There are so many fun things going on in the next month. In less than two weeks, I’m going on a much needed vacation to the beach! I can’t wait. I haven’t been on a vacation longer than a few nights away in over four years, and I’ll be away for an entire week! My boyfriend, his sister (my close friend) and I rented a condo with a community pool at the beach. I can’t wait to swim all day in the ocean, get in the pool and bar hop at the boardwalk at night. I think my sister and her husband are joining us for part of the week! My brother-in-law is a talented cook and promised he’ll make us a nice meal while we’re there.

After that, the festivities begin for Aubrey‘s wedding. First, she’s having a co-ed bridal shower BBQ. It falls on the day I get back from my vacation, so I’m hoping I can swing it afterFC 1 traveling. She just nailed down a date for her bachelorette party. This should be a crazy night because Aubrey knows how to party. A week later, she gets married in the park.

Somewhere in there, Aubrey and I are having another photo shoot during which her fiance will be taking pictures of us and making videos. As seen in the pictures in this post, he has proven to be a talented photographer, even with no previous experience.

FC 3Finally, I’m closing out the summer by celebrating my boyfriend’s 40th birthday. I believe he’s buying himself a boat and I love the water, so I’m very excited about this. He’s been looking at sailboats, which is cool because I already love spending time on my parent’s sailboat.

I’m happy this will be an active summer.

About the Fire

Last Wednesday, I put a bagel in the toaster and went downstairs to the basement where I work to continue working while it toasted. I was thinking of my boyfriend’s toaster which is slow to toast. I had forgotten that my friend’s toaster is super quick. I was downstairs about five minutes. Unfortunately, the toaster was old and had a faulty “pop out when done” button. I told my friend whose house it is about the toaster and we should have replaced it a year ago, but we didn’t.

I smelled the bagel burning. As I went up the stairs, I smelled an electrical fire smell. The toaster had decent flames coming off it. I yanked the plug from the toaster. I then looked around for the fire extinguisher and couldn’t find it. I thought about trying to smother it or throwing water on it, but I knew there were some instances where you shouldn’t use water so I didn’t do anything.

My dog came up the stairs then and the fire started spreading. All I could think about was my dog’s safety. I grabbed the phone and dialed 911. I considered getting my cat, but she’s skittish, even with me- even without something scary happening so I left her. I ran outside. I got the neighbor’s out of their house (the houses are attached). 8-10 min. later the fire department arrived.

The kitchen is gutted and there is water damage in the basement, broken windows from the firemen- even some damage to the second floor. The house is uninhabitable for an estimated four weeks to three months, based on estimates from the experts my friend is working with to put her house back together.

I put a message up on Twitter the day it happened explaining that because I caused the fire, I will be paying my friend’s insurance deductible and other costs that come up. The costs involved with the fire are far and above what is comfortable for me to pay. If you feel inclined to help, you can do so by purchasing a goody bag or by doing a phone sex or cam call with me on NiteFlirt. It would help me immensely if you would simply coming to me the next time you get horny!

My cat was rescued by a fireman. She received emergency treatment and is doing really well. She is back to normal now, I am only hopeful there isn’t long term damage to her health because she was breathing the smoke for about two hours. Things are moving quickly in terms of getting the house repaired. I am only left with helping my friend with the logistics and dealing with the guilt. But I will survive.

The Spanking II: A Fantasy by a Service Submissive

IMG_2215“Actually ps, ” Miss Lucy began, before we commence with your spanking, there is one little thing that must be done. But even before that, look into my eyes, from your kneeling state, and tell me quite honestly, are you ready to do whatever I tell you to?”

“Oh yes, Ma’am, I promise, I will do whatever you tell me to”.

“You know, ever since you started calling me Miss Lucy, I sort of like that. Do not call me Ma’am from now on. It makes me feel old. You are the one who is old, not me. Got it?”

“Yes, Miss Lucy, I understand.”

“Good, now pay close attention, because I am going to give you some very specific instructions. Are you ready to do what I tell you to?”

Ps nodded respectfully.

“Ok, now I want you to go into my bathroom, and I want you to close the door leaving about one inch open. It doesn’t have to be EXACTLY one inch, just approximately. Then, I want you to masturbate. You can look around my bathroom and use whatever you like, if you need some lubrication. Just don’t make a mess. When you are finished, I want to see everything that comes out of your cock in the palm of your hand, and fix your pants and make certain you don’t mess up my bathroom in any way. Do you understand all of that ps?”

“Yes, Miss Lucy.”

“Ok, go to it. I will be waiting right here. Don’t keep me waiting long, you hear?”

Ps went into the bathroom to do his duty. He really didn’t understand why he was doing what she wanted him to. It just didn’t make any sense. Had she wanted to witness the masturbation, well that might have been a humiliating act. Letting his mind wander, if she wanted him to cum on her feet, well that would have been pure heaven. Knowing what would certainly follow. His licking them clean.

Ps felt lucky that he was able to catch everything, not that there was a great deal to worry about. The tricky part was getting re-dressed with one hand, the other hand being the holder for his cum.

It didn’t take that long. Ps was really anxious to get to the spanking. Also to perhaps find out why Miss Lucy had him masturbate in the first place.

He walked back out into the room where Miss Lucy was seated. He held out his cum covered palm.

“On your knees, boy.”

Ps complied.

Miss Lucy pretended to look closely at the contents in ps’ palm, and had an unsatisfied look on her face.

“Is that all?” A rhetorical question, obviously. “When did you masturbate last?”

“Last night Miss Lucy.”

Miss Lucy had not given him any specific instructions about when to, or not to, masturbate, so she simply took this opportunity to turn the tables on poor ps.

“Why on earth would you masturbate the day before you are supposed to see me? I want you desirous and on edge and completely dependent on me for the consent to have an orgasm. Tell me, ps, why would you masturbate just hours before you were to see me? Is that fair to me? Is it?”

“No, Miss Lucy, I am so sorry. I just wasn’t thinking. I am sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Is part of the reason for your small amount of cum the fact that you have only one testicle?”

“Honestly, Miss Lucy, I have no idea. It might make sense that one would produce less than two, but since I have never HAD two, I can’t honestly say.”IMG_2306

“Ok, lets drop this banter. Go ahead and dispose of this mess. Right now.”

Ps began to get up to go to the nearest waste basket.

“Where the hell do you think you are going?”

“You told me to dispose of it, Miss Lucy.”

“Are you that dense, ps, boy? You are sub male, are you not? In your case, the word D I S P O S E equals ‘licking up’. “

“Sorry Miss Lucy, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Wait, ps, before you do that, I will help you out a bit. I’ll give it a bit more flavor, something to personalize it, to make this moment special for us. Is that ok with you?”

“Of course, Miss Lucy.”

Lucy leaned forward, over ps’ open palm, and she drooled some saliva, adding it to the fast melting smallish puddle of cum.”

“There, now it is more fit for consumption, don’t you think?”

“Yes, Miss Lucy, thanks for thinking of me.”

Ps went about his task. It was not a big issue with him, as though he hadn’t done this of late, it was something he had done many times in his life.

“Good boy,” Lucy patted ps on the head, after he cleaned his palm of the concoction.

“Now go wash your hands and come back here.”

In just moments, ps was back in place, on his knees before the seated Miss Lucy.

“I have something else to ask you before we begin our spanking.”

“Yes, Miss Lucy?”

“Look up into my eyes once again, boy, and answer me truthfully.”

“Yes, Miss Lucy.”

“I want to know EXACTLY what were your thoughts, fantasies if you will, that entered your mind when you masturbated in my bathroom. Even if it wasn’t about me, I want to know that. You won’t be punished any extra for any evil thoughts you may have had.”

Ps looked down and hesitated, obviously that he didn’t want to reveal his fantasy to her, for fear it somehow might not meet with her approval.

“Well, Miss Lucy, to be quite honest, and this is the type of fantasy that I have often, and one I am certainly not allowed to participate with anyone in, even with you.”

“What is it, boy, spit it out.”

“Well, Miss Lucy, I fantasized that I was made to lick out the cum of your boyfriend, from whichever hole he had just deposited it into your body.”

“Very dirty fantasy, ps. Do you mean to tell me that even if my boyfriend came in my ass, and I am not saying here that he, nor anyone else, EVER has, do you mean to say that you would clean that out as well? And do you think you could do that in real life, not just fantasy?”

“Yes I do, Miss Lucy, though I never have. But, like I told you, I am committed to my Domme, and not allowed anything of that nature.”

“I understand that ps. Well, you just let me know if and when you ever cease the relationship with your Domme, and I will do my best to make your fantasy a reality. OK?”

“Yes, Miss Lucy.”

“Not that I have to, but I am going to give you the main reason why I had you masturbate before our spanking.”

“Yes Miss Lucy?”

I went onto some of the Fetlife spanking groups, and chatted with a few of the more experienced folks, and one of them suggested that having you orgasm before the spanking, would take your sexual energy out of the session, and have the result of the spanking being more painful for you. What do you think about that ps?”

“Well, Miss Lucy, I had never heard of that before, or just rarely, but it does make sense to me. No question, that with males, once you take away their sex urges, they lose all desire to be good subs, or good lovers, or basically anything other than wanting to take a nap. So, I guess it is a good idea.”

“Very intellectual answer, ps. And I agree as well. Now, lets us get to one other topic before we begin, shall we?”

“Yes, Miss Lucy?’

“OK, I am sure you will agree with me, that given how excited you have been about finally convincing me to play with you, this spanking session, our first play together, is definitely much more of an excitement for you than it is for me. Is that fair to say?”

“Yes Miss Lucy, I would agree with you, though I surely hope that whatever we do, including today’s spanking, is also fun for you.”

“I agree with you, too. And it will be fun. But, if we are to be playing regularly, or even semi-regularly, you will need to provide me with more than just your coming over with sushi in your hands. And, I am NOT talking about money. Not at this point, anyhow.”

“Yes Miss Lucy, I’ll do whatever you want. Just name it.”

“Well, I have been talking to some of my kinky friends, and they all feel, that given your age, and you have admitted outright about all the free time that you have, that it would be completely within common sense in the kink world, given how you are getting a young woman to play with you, that you come over to my house once a week, for a one hour cleaning session. This weekly session would not include any treats. Perhaps, if I felt generous, you might be allowed to kiss my feet, but the weekly house cleaning will be all about just that – cleaning my house. Then, after each 3 weeks of cleaning, I will grant you a play session. Of my choosing. Not yours. So ps, these are my terms. How do you feel about those terms?”

IMG_2204“Miss Lucy, I would love such an arrangement. I have to honestly tell you that I am not the world’s greatest cleaner, nor the world’s cleanest individual, but if you show me what needs to be done, I am sure I can follow through with your instructions.”

“Good boy, I knew you would see things my way. Now, since I already promised you today’s spanking, I am not going to go back on my word, and we will be doing the spanking, without any cleaning today. See how nice I am to you?”

“Yes, Miss Lucy. I appreciate your compassion.”

“Now then, I am going to get ready to deliver your spanking.”

Ps wondered what she meant by “get ready”…